


Putting the time to make something out of it

by Satellite_Of_Love



Series: We are still trying [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Attempt at a wedding (not a wedding at all), Established Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Pining, Slice of Life, Soulmates, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, attempt at philosophy, long conversation, some angst but not too much, the story of how they met
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26837173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satellite_Of_Love/pseuds/Satellite_Of_Love
Summary: A story about pining for a certain someone you think will never look back at you, about falling in love and finding out that you both are willing to grow together and search for you own meaning of love. Told from their attempt at a wedding till the time they met each other for the first time.Part 2 of the We are still trying series: The interwined story of five men in their search for the meaning of life, love and some peace of mind.(Each story can stand on their own, but I recommend reading all of them to have the full information)
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Past Lee Minho/Hwang Hyunjin
Series: We are still trying [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1945825
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	1. Part 4: No blueprint, I trust us

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This story belongs to a three-part series, first one being Hyunho, second one Minchan and third one Jilix. Every part can stand on its own, but I recommend reading the three parts to get the full information on it.
> 
> This story belong to the STAYtober challenge, go look them up on twitter to find other amazing works! [here](https://twitter.com/staytoberskz)
> 
> The promt for this chapter was the Song Blueprint, go stream it [here!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYJDf9oPQ-0)
> 
> And lastly, this story was only possible thanks to my amazing Beta and editor, Di, go read her stories, they are the best of the best. [AO3 user Monograph](https://archiveofourown.org/users/monograph/pseuds/monograph)

Sun rays mercilessly hit the top of their heads. There’s a smell of sunshine on Chan’s hair, burning, sweaty and summery. What even is the smell of sunshine? The concept makes no sense, and yet that’s the only thing that Minho’s brain can come up with. 

He smirks, sleepily, thinking about that time one of Chan’s friends called him crispy. Maybe that’s what he smells like, like burning hair. Sunshine sounds more poetic, so he decides to keep that memory. If someone asks him he’ll say,  _ that day hyung smelled like sunshine. _

There’s grass staining his white shirt and making him feel uncomfortably wet. A wasp is dangerously close to him and Minho thinks that their little nap in the park has exceeded the time it was supposed to last.

‘’Channie hyung,’’ Minho tries to shake him. By now, he is familiar with Chan’s heavy sleep and the work it will take to awaken him. He shakes him again, with more vigor this time. ‘’Channie hyung, wake up, come one.’’

There are a million cheesy elements that works of fiction tend to overuse, things that Minho has found to be complete bullshit. Who the fuck meets a millionaire who falls in love with you in a day and suddenly fixes your life? Who the fuck confesses their love without knowing that the other person is secretly listening? What kind of person gets into a fake relationship? 

Already used to being disenchanted by the real world and how far it is from romantic fiction, Minho was surprised the first time he saw that Chan did fit one trope he didn’t believe to be true. At this point, he knows what to expect, so it is no surprise that Chan, instead of opening his eyes, only hugs him with more strength and snuggles against his chest.

Don’t get him wrong, this amount of closeness with his boyfriend is something he will never get tired of. Chan’s hugs really are everything he had once imagined, fuzzy and warm, but also calming and comfortable. Chan’s arms, by this point, are home. There’s nothing in this human, mundane world that could be compared to the embrace of the most comforting pair of arms he has ever witnessed.

‘’We are no longer under the shadow,’’ Minho whispers to him as he tries to wake him up, ‘’we should move, you need to go to work.’’

One of Chan’s hands finds its way under Minho’s shirt, his thumb caressing the soft skin of his back. That’s the signal, Chan is not as asleep as he is pretending to be.

‘’One day we’ll be forgotten, Minnie,’’ Chan mumbles, his divine lips parting the bare minimum. His eyes hidden by his free hand now lying on top of his face, sheltering him from the afternoon sun. ‘’no one will write a story about us.’’

There’s another trope that he has found to be true, the ‘talking in your sleep’ one. This one he has experienced first hand, since Minho talks in his sleep. There’s a line between what belongs to the real word and what belongs to the oneiric realm that his brain seems unable to fully grasp. Luckily, he hasn’t ended up confessing his feelings to someone while asleep, unlike the portrayal that movies take advantage of.

Minho is  _ weird _ , or so they say. It is no wonder that his peculiarities reflect in his sleeping habits.

There is something pleasurable in surprising people, in being unexpected and in the lack of anticipation others have of what he is about to say. There is a certain power that he derives from his little breaching experiments, from his little bending of social etiquette, norms and expectations.

Except that now Chan seems to be the one talking in his sleep and scrambling Minho’s brain.

‘’What are you even talking about?’’ he asks, frowning more from confusion than from the sun’s intrusion.

‘’One day no one will remember us,’’ Chan whispers, tracing shapes in Minho’s back that make him shiver from something that has nothing to do with the weather.

‘’Are you okay, baby?’’ Minho asks, concern rising inside of him.

‘’I’m perfect, love. That’s the thing. I’m on top of the world, why do I have to go to work?’’ he whines, ‘’I’d rather stay here under the sun, hugging you and being happy.’’

‘’You’ll be late to work, hyung.’’

‘’One day no one will remember that I got late to work because I decided to snuggle with you, so why do it?’’

And to that, Minho has no response.

Later on, they have to put cool compresses soaked in cold milk and aloe vera to soothe their skins. Some of Chan’s salary is deducted. They smile at each other and at how reckless they have been and are incapable of feeling any sort of guilt. 

‘’Imagine if tomorrow was our last day on earth,’’ Chan mumbles as he rubs aloe vera all over Minho’s lips and jaw.

With a smile, Minho gets closer to Chan and gives him a quick kiss, smudging the lotion, sharing it with the man he loves.

‘’Then at least we had that moment that belonged to us and us only.’’

***

When in the middle of a fight, Minho is used to screaming and verbally attacking the other person. That’s just the way he has been taught to fight, those are the resources he has.

His upbringing was a very individualistic one. He has been raised to stand his ground and fight, to be tough and defend himself with teeth and claws.

With time and patience, Chan teaches him that the only way to solve a problem is to be honest with each other at all times, to say what is bothering you without attacking the other person, without yelling at them and trying to make them feel bad. 

Turns out that the only way to prevent jealousy, sadness and anger is working on the sources of said feelings and actively trying to solve them.

They learn together that a relationship can only be built on foundations of love, understanding and respect for one another. Minho has never had a relationship like this.

Telling Hyunjin that he felt insecure would most likely end up with Hyunjin further distancing from him. Hyunjin telling him that he didn’t like something that Minho said or did would most likely end up in screams and insults. They weren’t ready then, neither of them, to make themselves responsible for their own mistakes.

His relationship with Chan is not a fairy tale, it is real and flawed, but it has a capacity for growth that he had never deemed possible.

Time passes without them having a moment to stop and reflect about it. Time passes by and there’s no time for thinking about it. Time passes by and its lessons are taught whether you think about them consciously or not.

The mere thought of Chan sparks a sort of happiness he never thought he’d be capable of feeling. It is not a burning desire, it is not obsession nor a need for possession. It is pure joy to know you are lucky, lucky enough to share this space and time with a person you can build a real connection with. 

Tropes in movies show you a happy ending, what they don’t tell you is that after the happy ending a new day comes up, and then another and then another. The true one in a million is not the person that sparks fire on you the first time you see them. The real gem is finding someone willing to grow by your side.

***

‘’Oh, thank you,’’ Minho says, trying to hide how startled he is. 

Chan has entered the room to offer him a cup of tea. Minho was so immersed in finding what was causing a variable in a sea of codes that he didn’t see him coming. His heart is racing like crazy and a part of him wants to yell at Chan for entering without prior notice, scaring his soul out of him. In the end, he knows that his boyfriend was only trying to be nice, and that even if he had knocked, Minho most likely wouldn’t have listened.

‘’How’s everything going?’’ Chan asks, always a kind of person who truly cared about others.

‘’Like hell,’’ Minho whines and stretches from one side to the other. How long has he been sitting here? He can’t even remember, ‘’but anything will be better than having to explain this in public.’’

‘’You know that you’ll rock that.’’

‘’And you know that I have stage fright,’’ with a sigh, he takes a sip out of the cup Chan brought to him. The beverage is perfect, exactly how he likes it.

Up to this point Minho hasn’t raised his head, it is only now that he looks up and notices his boyfriend. He is passing one hand over his now brown, curly hair. The repetitive motion is what makes Chan’s nervousness apparent.

In the handful of bad habits Minho has, getting nervous by proxy is one of the things he hates the most. His stomach churns. Why is Chan looking so nervous? 

After years of being together, Minho can smell wrong with little to no proof. He just knows it.

‘’Chan, what’s wrong?’’ 

‘’Oh, nothing, just…’’

‘’No. Please, just say it. I care about you, so please,’’ Even though his voice is sweet, there is a message underlying it.  _ You aren’t getting out of here without talking to me. _

‘’You have a lot of work to do…’’

‘’And I won’t be able to do it unless you tell me what’s wrong,’’ Minho goes for something he thinks will be able to convince him quicker than any other argument. His voice is stern, a way to show Chan that he truly cares about whatever is bothering him.

Chan whispers to himself and looks at his hands. After a minute, he clears his throat and looks at Minho in the eyes.

‘’Do you believe in marriage?’’ Chan asks, acting nonchalant as he leans against the door frame.

It takes a couple of seconds for Minho to process these words. This is hardly what he had expected to come out of Chan’s mouth.

‘’I…don’t understand the question,’’ Minho says, frowning behind his glasses and forgetting what it was that he had typed on his laptop just two minutes ago, ‘’I mean, what’s there to believe in? Do you mean it in a religious sense or...?’’

‘’No, no. I know you don’t follow a religion,’’ Chan sighs and scratches his head again. It becomes obvious that asking this question has taken a lot of courage from him, ‘’I mean if you believe in it beyond its religious meaning.’’

Minho feels as if a librarian is working on his insides, opening up the different folders he has in his brain and trying to find a way to...to connect with Chan because this is how he tends to do it. This is something they strive at, but why is this habit presenting itself as an obstacle right now?

‘’Um…sorry, but I still don’t get it, hyung. What’s there to believe in if not its religious meaning?’’

‘’Well, you can take the religion out of it and still believe in it as the union of two people…of two people meant to be together forever,’’ Chan looks embarrassed as he says it, probably afraid when it comes to confronting Minho’s view of the world, which is more calculated and ascetic, mostly free of spiritual explanations, ‘’that’s what I did, I took the religion out of it.’’

Minho leans back on his chair, crossing his arms and trying his best to give a truthful answer.

‘’If I’m being honest…No, I don’t. I don’t think marriage has a meaning.’’ Chan looks slightly hurt, so Minho does what he does best and starts rambling to try and make some sense of what he is saying. ‘’Some time ago it had value as a ritual, right? It helped to maintain different kinds of societies, it fit different purposes. Depends on which lens you look it through, doesn’t it?’’ His constant need to get some affirmation from Chan shows how much is at stake here for the two of them, ‘’for some it may have to do with the invention of private property and the need for heritage, while others might say that it was created to keep the much wanted social cohesion. Nowadays, I believe people get married only for the tax advantages it gives them.’’ 

Regret is present even as he is saying the words, but he still doesn’t stop. Stopping means that it will be Chan’s turn to speak, and Minho doesn’t know if he’s ready to hear what Chan’s thoughts on the situation are. He doesn’t know if he is ready to see his reaction. Will his boyfriend take this as a rejection?

‘’Will you start reciting all of Levi-Strauss work now?’’ Chan mocks him, but there is some real sadness behind his words.

‘’I just don’t get what kind of question is that or why are you even asking it. It’s not like we can get married anyways,’’ Minho changes the direction the topic is taking.

But still, he knows that Chan has always wanted to get married.

‘’It is not just about that. Marriage is about…I don’t know, a promise of compromise and love?’’ and then, with a small, shy voice, he adds, ‘’forever…’’

Forever, he has already said that word. Is he afraid Minho will eventually leave? Does he think that marriage will be a card able to keep them binded?

‘’I still think that marriage has no inherent meaning. I don’t need to sign a paper to promise to care for you and love you forever,’’ Minho explains, still frowning.

‘’You sound like a character straight out of a romcom.’’

‘’I know that you understand what I mean.’’

‘’I’m not sure, you make it sound as if love has no place in contemporary society,’’ Chan shrugs and smiles, trying to appear less hurt than what he really is. It ends up being more of a wince than a smile.

‘’On the contrary,’’ Minho gets up and walks up to where Chan is standing. He grabs his hands as he tries to think his words more carefully, an effort he wouldn’t make for just anyone. Chan is special and he deserves a treatment as unique as he is. ‘’It is only now that love is somewhat possible. Without laws that control how love is supposed to be, it is only nowadays that real love can bloom.’’

Chan intertwines their hands. He is warm and loving as he always is.

‘’So, what you mean is that nowadays there are not enough laws or social pressure to force us to be legally bound, right?’’

‘’Exactly, leaving behind all the remaining determinants of our behavior, we are relatively free to choose each other.’’

‘’That’s the least romantic thing I have ever heard.’’

Minho throws his head back and groans. It’s okay, even if it takes several explanations, he is willing to make the effort to convey his thoughts.

‘’No, no, no. It is the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard in your life, dickhead. It means that I am freely choosing to remain by your side,’’ he explains, trying to keep his voice calmed and sweet, ‘’there are no laws forcing me to stay, there is not enough family pressure making me stay with you even if one day I stop loving you. I choose you every day, what’s love if not that?’’

In the background there’s the sound of their cat playing with something. There’s not a lot of traffic in this area, his neighbors seem to be asleep already and for a moment it feels as if they were part of a bubble made for them and them only. Which they might.

‘’I guess you have a point,’’ Chan concedes, nodding, ‘’ does that mean that you will not marry me?’’

With a sigh, Minho moves his head from one side to the other. So many hours spent on coding are taking a toll on him..

‘’We’ll see, I don’t know what the future has prepared for us. Like I said, it’s not like we can marry right now anyways,’’ Minho looks at him fondly, and takes one loose strand of Chan’s hair to play with it, ‘’for now you can be assured that I love you and that every day I take the conscious, free choice to spend my time with you.’’

‘’In the end, time is all we have, isn’t it?’’

‘’Then I am giving you my all, and not because I’m forced to, but because I choose to.’’

‘’Now that you put it like that I understand it.’’

‘’It is the most romantic thing in the world!’’ Minho screams, startling their cat.

In their bubble there’s all the time in the world to think about themselves.

‘’Maybe transforming marriage into an absolute necessity for civilization as we know it is also something bad for the spirit. Perhaps marriage has nothing to do with love.’’

Minho puts one hand on each of Chan’s cheeks. They look at each other for a few seconds, both of them move their eyes around, trying to take in every single singularity and flaw and perfection in each other’s faces. They stand there, facing the features of the person they love, giving each other their full and undivided attention in exchange for a moment of sincerity and clarity.

‘’I trust in us, hyung. I don’t mind how difficult or hard things will get, I trust us to overcome every possible obstacle.’’

There are tears starting to form at the edges of Chan’s eyes. Excited tears, thoughtful tears. When the chosen path for their conversations goes into such profundity, it can result in the most rewarding kind of exhaustion they have experienced. Like getting home after being done with an arduous but needed job.

‘’It seems like the answers the world has given me were wrong. Maybe there are other ways to find happiness, unconventional ways that we have to find,’’ Chan smiles between the tears that refuse to fall,‘’I believe in us as well.’’

‘’I guess that love can’t always be like in movies, or like in songs or books. Maybe it is not about a burning passion that catches fire and ends with the same quickness.’’

‘’So, we should give love a new meaning beyond what we have been taught to do, is that what you mean? That real loves means making the effort to find what love means to us  _ personally. _ ’’

Minho smiles. Chan always understands.

‘’That’s exactly what I mean, hyung.’’

***

Minho sees Hyunjin only once again. They cross paths at their ex-college. 

His eyes fixate on Hyunjin. Nothing. He’s attractive, of course, but other than that, there’s not much that comes to Minho’s mind. Maybe some happy memories of the times they had together, maybe some bitter feeling in his stomach of the pain they had to go through.

‘’If any person was bound to end up with two boyfriends it was certainly you,’’ Minho laughs, looking at the two boys standing behind Hyunjin.

His ex-boyfriend is wearing a long, expensive coat that makes him look outstanding in the middle of a college full of stressed students. He’s fumbling with the end of his sleeves in a room filled with the chit-chat of dozens of people coming and going.

‘’I’m sorry, hyung.. for how things...for how I acted and-’’ Hyunjin tries to say, but the situation is too awkward and Minho doesn’t want to go through this right now.

‘’Don’t sweat it, Jinnie. You are over me, right?’’

Hyunjin rolls his eyes and starts bouncing one leg. ‘’You don’t need to tease me, hyung. I am clearly over you.’’

‘’Then don’t worry. We knew we weren’t right for each other,’’ Minho raises his hand as a way of saluting the two people behind them. He squints his eyes, paying attention to the guys Hyunjin has chosen to share his time with. ‘’Isn’t one of them famous or something?’’

‘’Yeah…’’ Hyunjin blushes. He doesn’t seem eager to explain anything else. It’s okay, Minho is not  _ that _ interested in whatever Hyunjin’s life is nowadays. Knowing that there is no bad blood between them will be enough.

‘’Everything’s good, Hyunjin, okay?’’

‘’Okay, hyung,’’ his smile is sincere, he can tell in the way his eyes practically disappear. ‘’Thank you for telling me to get help that time. It was the thing I needed to hear the most.’’

‘’You know what’s a thing Hyunjin never under understood?’’ Minho asks, looking through the window with his eyes focused on the children playing on the other side, ‘’that loneliness was going to be with him, that it would never leave him no matter what. He is such a frightened kid on the inside.’’

His impromptu meeting with his ex has left him with a lot of questions. There’s a lot he hasn’t thought about for years. Looking back, Minho can’t believe he suffered and cried so much for a relationship that simply wasn’t meant to be. 

No, it has nothing to do with things being meant to be or not. It is not just about being the right person for each other or not. It is so much more complex than that. Minho cried but never made any actual effort to mend their relationship. Hyunjin didn’t love like Minho wanted to be loved and Minho was more than what Hyunjin could’ve handled.

The things he had spent nights feeling bad about could now be fixed with a simple talk with Chan. He can’t believe both Hyunjin and him spent so much time suffering when now the answer seems so simple.

_ Well, it’s like a technician charging to press a button. It is not about pressing the button, it’s about knowing which button to press. Only experience and learning can make something look simpler. Without the experience, Minho wouldn’t know. _

‘’That’s a fault we all had, isn’t it? We think that  _ the right one _ will take the loneliness away, when in reality it is more about sharing each other’s loneliness,’’ Chan suggests, cutting Minho’s train of thoughts.

‘’That sounds weird and correct at the same time.’’

‘’I don’t know. I guess the feeling of loneliness lessens a bit when I’m by your side, but in the end I know that it is I who has to overcome the loneliness, that you won’t be able to do it for me.’’

There’s a characteristic blink to Minho, one that people have said to be intimidating. He blinks a couple of times while staring at his boyfriend.

‘’I sometimes get scared of just how much we understand each other,’’ he says, laughing in incredulity.

***

‘’I know what we are going to do!’’ Minho declares as he slaps his hand over the table.

For a person so easily scared of sudden noises, Minho doesn’t care too much about the effect he himself can have on other people.

‘’About what?’’

‘’You are not even a full christian, are you? You believe in energy and gnosis and that sort of things, right?’’ Minho asks.

Chan winces and leaves the dishes he was working on. He dries his hands with the nearest towel and doesn’t look at Minho in the eyes when he answers.

‘’ _ That sort of things _ sounds a little dismissive, love. Try again.’’

Minho takes a deep breath before talking again. Knowing that he can fixate on an idea too quickly, he needs to be careful. His tendency to get over excited when finding an answer tends to make his words incomprehensible.

‘’You believe in natural things, in spontaneity and…’’Minho moves his right hand, as it that was enough to fully explain what he is trying to say, ‘’you don’t care about rigid rituals and social order, you just care about being able to know yourself and adapt to the changing world, to follow the wu wei.’’

‘’Well, kind of. My beliefs are pretty mixed up.’’

‘’Then let’s do our own thing!’’

Probably unused to Minho being the one proposing sudden and out of schedule events, Chan frowns. He still hasn’t understood it, has he? 

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’Let’s go to...um, I don’t know, what place do you like? um, the beach!’’

‘’The beach?’’ Chan asks and Minho can see in his eyes the effort he is making to understand him.

‘’Yeah, let’s go to the beach and hold each other's hands and talk about how being together has helped us in our way to self-knowledge,’’ he claps his hands, excited, he’s having so many great ideas lately, ‘’we could wear white, the both of us, and get rings with our birthstones in it or something.’’

‘’You realize that you are mixing like five different things into one, right?’’

‘’Maybe?’’

‘’You haven’t done a proper research, have you?’’

‘’Who cares?’’ Minho whines, ‘’When has the world ever given us a fixed answer? When has it handed things to us easily? Let’s do this for us, let’s say,  _ I will love you forever, _ in our own, real way.’’

Chan groans, ‘’I should’ve married that church girl my mom liked so much.’’

‘’But you didn’t and now you are stuck with me. Let’s do this!’’

‘’Wait, you really mean right now?’’

‘’Yeah, go get dressed. We are going to the beach to promise eternal love or whatever comes out of us. I’m driving.’’

The wind is blowing and making both of their heads a mess. They are the two only souls to be found on this little beach on an autumn day. The sky is obnoxiously blue, with the sun shining right in their faces and forcing them to squint their eyes.

‘’What do we do now?’’

‘’I don’t know, I’m cold,’’ Minho answers, pouting and starting to think that this was a terrible idea. As it is, Chan won’t have it.

‘’Minho! You were the one that dragged me here.’’

‘’Okay, okay,’’ he grabs Chan’s hands. As always, they are warmer than his. He searches for the words that come out easily whenever they talk about things like this. He is not  _ that  _ bad with words, is he? He is just a little too blunt from time to time.

‘’Chan hyung. Finding you was something I never dreamt of. When I met you, I never thought that you would become this special to me.’’

‘’I always knew you were special,’’ Chan adds.

‘’Yeah, that’s easy to say for you, you were single. I was trying to be faithful. Don’t interrupt me,’’ Minho says angrily but just a second later he realizes he doesn’t know what to say. It is colder than he had expected and the saltiness of the sea is sticking to his nose and skin. His white pants are getting sand on it and sooner than expected this idea starts appearing ridiculous. What is he even saying?

‘’I don’t know, you say something,’’ Minho demands, ashamed at what he himself has proposed.

The divine image of Chan all dressed in all white is not enough to calm him down. Embarrassment is blooming on Minho’s cheeks.

‘’Minho, I think that meeting you hasn't taught me the meaning of love,’’ Chan starts.

‘’Hyung!’’

‘’Because there is no such thing as one love! Sorry, I should have said that first,’’ he laughs and then clears his voice. His words seem a bit more prepared than Minho’s, has Chan been seecretly preparing his wedding vows? ‘’I have lived for a while under the ’know thyself’ philosophy. Knowing yourself is supposed to teach you about the universe and the gods. But there’s nothing universal about love, and there’s nothing for the gods to say about it. So, what I have learnt by your side is that we can only hope to get to know  _ our _ love, a special kind that belongs only to you and I. And...people have different ways of giving meaning to life, right? Music is one of them for me, but this-this thing that we have made between the two of us, this is one of the happiest accomplishments I’ve ever had.’

A single tear falls from Minho’s eyes. He’s not the kind to cry but he is already embarrassed and suddenly the fact that he almost never cries in front of Chan stops being important. He lets go of one of Chan’s hands just so he can ruffle his own hair, partially because the wind has messed it and partially because he needs a moment to recover himself from the sudden rush of emotions.

He thinks of the past five years and how they feel like a lifetime, he can’t even imagine his life without Chan by his side. At the same time, it feels as if time hasn't passed at all.

‘’Hyung I...meeting you has given me the answers no philosopher was ever able to give me. You are right. This is our love, and even though the both of us are filled with nothing but uncertainty, I know that if there’s one thing I want to pursue forever it is the construction of this love, our love.’’

He returns his hand to Chan, hoping that this improvised exchange of words will be enough for his boyfriend. That it will show him how prepared he is for their future together. At least for now. Like he has confessed, none of them really know where this will end.

‘’You basically copied what I said,’’ Chan laughs, mocking him.

Minho slaps him on the arm. The sappy moment is over. Deep down, he knows that this means that Chan’s desires have somehow been fulfilled, and that’s the biggest relief he could ask for.

‘’You were only able to arrive to what you said thanks to me, otherwise you’ll still be like  _ marry me, marry me.’’ _ he says in deep, dumb voice, ‘’So you are welcome.’’

Chan slaps him back.

‘’Can you stop being so offensive for half a second?’’

‘’Only if you can stop being dumb.’’

‘’That’s it,’’ Chan states, grabbing Minho by the waist. He had expected a kiss to come, but instead, Chan decides to lift Minho and take him closer to the blue, immense and lonely sea.

‘’What the fuck are you doing, Chan?!’’ Minho asks, half amused, half annoyed. His boyfriend is fucking nuts.

‘’This is what you get for being so fucking obnoxious.’’

Minho closes his eyes, waiting for the impact against the water, expecting Chan to throw him. When some seconds go by and it still hasn’t occurred, Minho opens his eyes.

‘’Won’t you throw me in the water?’’

‘’No baby, I just wanted to make you scream and laugh a bit. I won’t throw you if that’s not what you want.’’

Of course.

‘’It’s okay, hyung. You can throw me. I trust you,’’ Minho says with a laugh. If he gets sick because of this he will make Chan take care of him like a fucking houswife taking care of her children.

He does scream when he hits the cold waters and drinks the saltiness of it. When he tries to come out, Chan pushes him once again against it. Soon enough Minho is laughing so hard he seems incapable of standing. His stomach starts hurting with how much he’s laughing. His white clothing is totally ruined and whatever seriousness this was supposed to have has been lost in something new.

Chan starts swimming from one side to the other, showing off his abilities at the sport. He throws water at him, puts some seaweed on his head and scares him, making him believe that there are jellyfish emaround th. He grabs Minho and takes him further into the sea. The water is cold but Chan’s arms are warm.

Chan’s arms are warm and Minho feels safe. In a sea of salt, his lips feel sweet. He doesn't need a blueprint for what their relationship will be. He knows they will overcome whatever might come.


	2. Part 2: Small things that matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minho accepts to go on a first date with Chan. Has Chan's luck run out after that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The promt for this chapter was the Song Get Cool, go stream it [here!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcXwZEbOvpo)
> 
> And lastly, this story was only possible thanks to my amazing Beta and edito, go read her stories. [AO3 user misscuriouscat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/misscuriouscat)

Minho says yes to Chan when the time to kick brown leaves on the floor begins, cracking and making dust dance in the air, always followed by the children’s laugh.

When the time for the breeze to have a conversation with skin comes, generating bumps and producing a chill in the spine, Chan gets a text that confirms something he never thought would happen: Minho agrees to have a date with him.

The guy he has liked for eons is waiting for him at the bus station. He is wearing a pink sweater and an annoyed face. The latter illuminates when he sees Chan approaching him.

It is Minho the one that decides to hold his hand first. Chan tells himself that he is doing it because the wind is becoming unpleasant, and Minho hasn’t brought any gloves. However, when Minho doesn’t say any excuse, Chan concludes that maybe he should be a little bit more confident. Minho doesn’t need an explanation for why he is holding Chan’s hands; he just does it.

Minho is beau— _No_ , Chan doesn’t want to focus on that. He has had enough time to focus on that, seeing him from the other side of the office and wondering if Minho’s nose has enough of a sharp edge to pinch his finger. Not that he would ever go and touch Minho’s nose out of nowhere.

Well, not unless he is tipsy and Minho is crying even though he has never cried before, and the moonlight is shining on his face making him see all the angles of Minho’s face he has never been able to appreciate before. But that happened once, and it’s a story to tell another day.

There’s something eerie in the air. Even though not one soul can be seen, the place is fully illuminated and filled with multiple screens working all around, playing old-fashioned music videos, very different from the contemporary pop usually played in places like this one. It is colorful but not in an exaggerated way. The smell of air freshener tells them that it is, in fact, open.

Going to an ice cream parlor in the middle of autumn…well, here’s the thing about dating.

Most of it is a bet. Putting time on someone else and hoping that the other person will perhaps do the same thing back. Love’s not that. Love’s a lot more than gambling. But dating…dating is a whole other matter. When it comes to love, there are things that you already know; when it is dating, chances become different.

Sometimes you just have to make the call.

‘’I am a bit of a people’s person,’’ Chan blurts out as he rings the bell on the countertop, waiting for some employee to come and attend them.

‘’I’ve noticed,’’ Minho answers quickly, looking at him as if it was something obvious.

‘’But I also enjoy my alone time?’’ Chan continues to say, unsure of the point he is trying to make.

‘’Is there when you get the time to make music?’’ Minho asks, surprising him for a second.

Chan needs to learn to value himself a little more. It is not weird that Minho would remember that Chan is a half-time composer; they’ve talked about this, why wouldn’t he remember?

That’s another thing about dating. Love means understanding what the other person means. Dating means having to be smart and just having luck and guessing the meaning correctly.

‘’Even though I’m a people’s person, I thought that you might like something like this. Something a little bit quieter and…I don’t know,’’ he shrugs, forgetting that Minho had originally made him a question.

‘’Thank you,’’ Minho says, somehow amused at Chan’s behavior.

One of the employees finally comes and saves Chan from his own awkwardness.

***

Minho is beaut— But that’s not the most interesting thing. As he licks the spoon of his choco mint ice cream, the man seems very concentrated on something else other than Chan. He can’t wait to learn some more about what causes this kind of reaction to him.

‘’Ugh.’’ Minho visibly shivers from something other than the icy treat. He winces as he stares at the music video being played on the multiple screens surrounding them. ‘’I hate that, why would someone do something like that?’’

The screen is playing some music videos from the 90’s: just some guy singing a generic love song with a full-closure chord voice.

‘’Singing a song to someone?’’ Chan asks, not getting what it is that bothers Minho so much. ‘’I guess that the karaoke is canceled,’’ he adds, trying to be funny.

Chuckling, Minho lightly hits him on the arm. ‘’I would love to hear you singing, hyung. As long as it is not a song about us being soulmates,’’ he explains as he goes back to pressing his spoon into the ice cream.

Minho would _really_ like to hear him singing. Chan feels so nervous that he could vomit. He wishes he could just press a button and skip the awkward getting-to-know-each-other and just go to being married and discussing politics even though they will both most likely agree on every single matter.

‘’Do I really look like a madman that would call you his soulmate on our first date?’’ Chan teases, eliciting another small laugh out of Minho. If only he knew that just a second before Chan was already thinking about their marriage.

‘’Nah, I just mean…I guess I hate the whole concept of soulmates, and I don’t understand why anyone would like it. Who even created it?’’ Minho asks, furrowing his eyebrows for a second before quickly grabbing his phone. ‘’Wait, let me google that real fast.’’

He puts the phone down almost as fast as he had picked it. The reason for it being Chan’s small ‘’ouch’’ sound, one he can’t help to make and is embarrassed about half a second later. Chan lets out an ashamed laugh and fixes his look on the table, noticing that the atmosphere around them has stopped being first-date-awkward to become _actually_ awkward.

‘’I fucked up with that comment, didn’t I?’’ Minho asks. Under his peripheral vision, Chan sees him trying to reach his hand, but also immediately retracting it. The pink of his sweater comes and goes in the blink of an eye. ‘’Sorry, I can be an asshole at times.’’

‘’No, no, don’t worry. I just wonder why you have such…strong feelings on the matter,’’ Chan shakes his head, wanting everything to return to a more pleasurable path.

Minho sighs, most likely trying to sort out his thoughts before speaking.

‘’Imagine this: You are born bound to one person and one person only. How is that anything but a horror story? It’s like having a stalker for life. Or worse, _you_ being someone else’s stalker. What if you end up bound to a serial killer? Or worst, to someone that thinks that poor people are poor because they don’t work hard enough.’’

Five seconds pass by in which Chan looks at Minho, waiting for the laugh that for sure will come after his explanation. When fifteen seconds go by, and Minho has done nothing but blink, it is Chan the one that lets out a snort, amused and bewildered that his date has seriously meant that statement.

‘’You don’t like people a lot, do you?’’ He asks.

‘’You saw the struggles I went through with my ex…fuck, now I’m talking about my…yes, about my ex. I’m killing this,’’ Minho groans, retaliating on his ice cream with a forceful stab.

Minho’s own embarrassment helps Chan suck up a little bit of his own. The blush on Minho’s face is something he is witnessing for the first time in a man he has seen daily for the past three years. It spreads up to his ears, barely visible even with how close they are sitting to one another.

Up to this point, Minho has been nothing but a mystery for Chan. That is a stretch; there are a lot of things about him that he knows. The mystery has to do not with things to know about him, but with deeper matters.

The thing is, Chan has seen Minho being blunt a hundred times before. He has seen him acting weird and saying what he thinks without a second thought. This is the first time he sees him caring about how the other person perceives him. It has to mean something.

‘’Maybe you are misunderstanding it,’’ Chan tries.

‘’Have you ever read fiction about soulmates? They write about being born with a mark that means that no matter what you have to say, you’d be tied to a person forever.’’

‘’I really think you got the whole thing wrong…Okay, why don’t you google it. What does it say?’’

A few moments go by as Minho silently types on his phone.

‘’I hate you.’’

‘’Why?’’ Chan laughs, taking a spoonful of ice cream.

‘’Because you are right. _A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, platonic relationships, comfort, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, compatibility_ _,_ _and trust_ ,’’ Minho reads, defeated.

Exactly what Chan wishes them both had. And the little brat dares to compare the idea to fatalism and talk about it as if it is the worst possible deadly sin.

‘’See? Give the poor songwriter a chance. Maybe they are not talking about jailing the girl forever. Maybe they are just trying to say _I think we match really well.’’_

‘’Then why don’t they just say that?’’ Minho whines.

_Ah_. Chan just had the stupidest idea. But that’s the thing about dating; one can only gamble and hope for the best.

‘’Hey, Minho.’’

‘’What?’’ He practically barks.

‘’I think we match really well,’’ He states while wiggling his eyebrows.

Minho just throws his spoon at him.

***

‘’You don’t actually believe in luck, do you?’’ Minho asks, frowning as he looks at the claw machine in front of them.

‘’You are right. Sometimes you can be an asshole,’’ Chan sigh, wondering why his taste in men is like this.

‘’Hyung, these things are literally programmed so you won’t win. The claw will be commanded to have enough strength to grab the plushie only once in a thousand attempts. It just won’t happen.‘’

Lucky days come in a million shapes. Right now, Chan thinks that the shitty machine in the almost abandoned game store is going to give him something. The blinking light of the old, forgotten game in the claw arcade sparks something inside of him.

‘’Which one do you like?’’

‘’Are you kidding me?’’ Minho whines. ‘’Don’t waste your money, if you wanna give me a present, then just buy it; don’t be cheap.’’

‘’Which one do you like?’’ Chan repeats unwaveringly.

Minho sighs, defeated. ‘’Okay, I like the giraffe. You are not going to get, though.’’

Chan puts a thousand won in the machine. And he gets it on the first try. Minho looks at it with wide eyes and an open mouth. He’s beauti— But that’s not the point: what’s important is that Chan followed his gut and made Minho surprised.

‘’No! That’s stupid. Who even is writing this story? At least build some tension first and then have the guy win,’’ Minho whines, but takes the stuffed animal in his arms nevertheless.

‘’That’s not how luck works. Now you owe me a hug,’’ Chan jokes.

‘’I owe you nothing! Luck is just luck; you didn’t do anything to deserve a hug.’’

‘’I was one in a million.’’

‘’One in a thousand,’’ Minho corrects him.

‘’Wow, it must be so frustrating to go out with someone that ends up being right, what?’’ Chan pretends to think, ‘’100% of the time?’’

Minho goes back to being the guy he knows, the one that he has always liked.

‘’Yeah. You had a 0.1% chance of getting it,and you got it. Now you won’t have that luck ever again,’’ he remarks with a sarcastic voice and a pout. ’’Say goodbye to any dream of winning the lottery.’’

‘’I already got you to say yes to going out with me, so who’s to say I haven’t been lucky twice already?’’

Minho bites his lower lip. Making him embarrassed might start to get addicting. ‘’You are so incredibly sappy. You are lucky you are cute.’’

***

Cold metal meets his hands when he grabs the chains of the swing. The seat is cold as well, and at this point, both of them are shivering. Winter might not have arrived yet, but nights are already starting to feel too chill. And that’s Chan saying it, the guy that can wear shorts in the middle of a snow day.

Minho sits besides him.

He is beautiful— That has been stated. He doesn’t want to think about it. He doesn’t want to think about how perfectly balanced his face is. He doesn’t want to think about how attractive his gaze is or about how his resting face makes him look like a model straight out of a runway.

These are the visible things, the characteristics that anyone would be able to pick up. Chan wants to feel special.

‘’I’m amazed you haven’t tried to finish the date yet,’’ he says, honestly. Following his gut has worked so far.

Immersed in this day that seems to have been created for the two of them and the two of them only, they sway placidly over the green and yellow grass of an empty park.

‘’Why would I? I’m having a great time.’’

‘’Do you know you sound sarcastic most of the time?’’

‘’I have been told so…but I’m being honest, Channie hyung. I’m really enjoying this.’’

This is the second time Chan sees Minho being illuminated by the moonlight. It makes him seem sharper and vulnerable at the same time. Just like the time in which he got the courage to ask him out. 

Watching Minho like this again makes him want to blurt out all of his feelings.

‘’You know that I like you a lot, right?’’

‘’I’ve noticed,’’ Minho chuckles.

The months of whining about how Minho would never look in his way suddenly overlap in his head. They stretch and become an unbearable mountain of desire. Chan’s chest starts to feel both heavy and constricted and excited and so very afraid of what’s the next step to take. Minho is sitting on the swing next to him, looking straight at him. Finally seeing him. Finally being present in this shared reality that they’ve started to construct since God knows when. Now they exist together in this reality that Chan has been part of even before Minho.

Minho’s eyes reflect the moon, and the moon reflects Chan’s love.

There’s an impulse inside of him telling him to get up and start jumping. There’s an impulse inside of him telling him to run away. The multiple pulls leave him paralyzed. He can’t move, but the stillness is unbearable.

It was never a secret how much Chan has been pining for Minho. But saying it out loud, it materializes it, and it confronts him with reality. He has laid his heart in front of Minho, and he hasn’t been given an answer.

Chan reaches out and grabs Minho’s hand. It is rough from the boxing he has started to practice, but he had already felt it earlier.

Minho doesn’t look away; he even looks into his eyes.

‘’Why don’t you just say it?’’ Chan asks, gentle and almost breathless.

‘’Say what?’’ Minho asks with a sweet voice, looking confused.

‘’That you like me back.’’

‘’I like you back, Chan hyung.’’

‘’Has it been this easy all along? Did I only have to ask you?’’

‘’I like being straightforward,’’ Minho shrugs.

‘’You might be able to fool yourself, Lee Minho, but you have been everything but straightforward with me.’’

‘’What you gonna do with that information?’’

Chan bends forward, staring at Minho’s eyes the whole time.

Even now, even before anything has happened, Chan has already seen Minho through so much. He has seen his pain and his flaws and his bad habits. He has seen him grumpy and with messy hair. He has seen him struggling and has seen him winning and overpowering everyone else, shining and bringing light to everyone around them, laughing and helping and dancing and crying and doing his best to find some meaning and some joy in this tasteless life that none of us has chosen to exist in.

This isn’t dating. This is love. Chan hasn’t had luck; he just knows Minho enough to know what to do.

Chan believes in building his own way.

So he pushes forward and kisses Minho.

It’s sweet and calm and chaste, and it tastes like the ice cream flavors they had hours before. It is then desperate and clashing, and it hides a meaning Chan doesn’t know if he should point out or not. Minho grabs Chan’s shirt and pulls him, wanting this as much as Chan wants it. They feel each other’s eyelashes, each other’s noses and breath and soft, shining skin. They feel each other’s arms and necks and hair. They hear the wet sound of their kiss in the middle of the night and the clicking and screeching of swings moving.

Chan moves to sit on Minho’s lap, deepening his kiss and trying to touch everything within his reach. Minho’s silky strands of hair and his cold hands, the sound of his heart beating and the soft breaths he lets out, the hotness of his blushing cheeks and ears.

It is too much. Minho is too much. He tastes like heaven and smells like a woody cologne, and Chan has been in love with him for so fucking long that he can’t help but want to vomit all of his thoughts right here and right now.

‘’I really fucking like you,’’ He sets for saying when they take a moment between kisses. It is better than saying—

‘’I know you are in love with me, hyung. Just say it.’’

Of course. This is love, and Minho knows what Chan wants him to do.

‘’I’m in love with you, Minho,’’ And Chan wants to stop, wants to shut up. He doesn’t want to run out of luck in one day. He can’t be this greedy; he can’t expect so much in just one day. That would be unbalanced, unfitting and—

‘’Do you want to be my boyfriend?’’ Chan blurts out, exhausted by the mess his head has become.

Minho smiles. He looks so calm and relaxed and just the exact opposite of how Chan feels right now. ‘’Isn’t that a bit rushed?’’ He asks, but the shine in his eyes is telling Chan to keep going.

‘’Get your story straight. Do you want me to be straight forward or not?’’

With a roll of his eyes, Minho has to face the fact that this is the second time in the day that Chan has proven something he said to be illogical. And the third time he has been wrong.

‘’I must have used all of my luck when you asked me out,’’ Minho says. ‘’I would love to be your boyfriend, Channie hyung.’’

Call him superstitious, but Chan knows he sometimes has a sixth sense, and right now, it is telling him that being asked to be his boyfriend means a lot to Minho, maybe even more than it does to Chan. Why? He doesn’t really know.

Luckily, he has all the time on earth to find out why.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are really appreciated. Go follow me on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/satoflove?s=09)


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